The Strong-Willed Mother

This morning, Kim Weir, author and radio show host, www.engagingwomen.com, kindly gave me permission to share her very very funny story about a mom’s first Will.

I hope you enjoy Kim’s writing as much as I have. Please feel free to visit her site and blog as well.

The Strong-Willed Mother by Kim Wier

It’s settled.  If I die tomorrow, an inheritance is secured for my family.  They needn’t worry about their future.  I have a Will.

I won’t pretend that I understand every nuance of the document, in part because everyone involved apparently gets a new name.  My husband and I were the first to be rechristened.  I am Testatrix.  He is Executor.  It sounds as if we are rulers from the planet Zorg.

All three of my children are henceforth to be known by one common name, Beneficiary.  This one I may actually adopt at home.  I might appear less senile if I could keep their names straight for a change.  I sense their confidence in my mental capacity diminishing each time I tell Bailey to get his homework done, only to hear, “I’m Chase, Mom, remember?”

Now I can just say, “Don’t argue with me, Beneficiary, I am Testatrix, ruler of intergalactic discipline.”

It isn’t just people who have been renamed.  My mortgaged house has been elevated to a new position.  Instead of a two story with an overgrown lawn, it is an Estate.  Even my debts have become nobler.  They are no longer just bills; they are now Encumbrances.  It’s a fitting name, since apparently, even if I die, they get passed along to my heirs.

Other aspects of inheritances are not so simple.  In the Will and Testament world, every bequeath, no matter how small, requires a translator.  It would be impossible to simply say that I would like my favorite teacup to go to my daughter.  This type of request would require an official memorandum directing my Executor to properly dispose of any portion of my personal and household effects according to Article 2 and subject to probate.  After all, should anyone contest the teacup issue, it must be able to stand up under judicial scrutiny.

Which brings me to my favorite part of the Will.  According to Article 9, “If any beneficiary shall contest the validity of the Will, then all benefits provided for such beneficiary are revoked.”  In other words, “Don’t argue with your mother.”  You’ve got to love a document that gives you the last word.